by Rafaela Alba
“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live” Dorothy Thomson
Fear is a form of defenselessness. Our emotions result from what we ingest from our environment, past experiences, daily encounters etc. Fear is a learned habit. Sometimes we feel dread and we don’t realize the feeling that we are experiencing is actually fear. Fear is so naturally a part of us that we think it is part of who we are.
There are different kinds of fears, and reasons why we acquire them. Often our own parents tend to be over-protective of us by making us believe that the world is an unsafe place. Susan Jeffers has posited in her book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, “Be careful darling! This “Be careful“ carries with it a double message- The world is dangerous out there…and…you won’t be able to handle it”. Unconsciously, parents send us a wrong message because that was the pattern they learned growing up. Their parents did not know better and passed this way of thinking from one generation to the other. Also, when we are children experiencing our early years, teachers, care takers and other adults sometimes tell us that we are not good at something, and we start believing this idea and feel fear to try it again; or to try something new. It can be with a sport, a drawing, or any subject. Fear promotes fear and we use it to protect ourselves. We hide our fear by looking for excuses such as:
“I am too old/ too young… to get a promotion” …to learn to swim”… to go back to college”… to start a new career”…to leave my job, etc.” Excuses Begone by Dr. Wayne Dyer
Freedom is free. We are not able to enjoy life until we fulfill our desires. Fears have to do with an inner state of mind rather than an exterior situation. They reflect our sense of self and our ability to handle this world. If we are afraid of being rejected, this fear will affect almost every area of our life-friends, intimate relationships, job interviews and so on. By being rejected we start hiding and shielding ourselves from reality, which then limits us from many experiences and opportunities.
A very important factor is if we acknowledge that we do have fear. That is the first move! Fear is a learned pattern of habits, and habits can be changed. It is as when we plant a seed. First we need to clean the soil, Fertilize it, Plant the seed, Add water, Give it care and love. Then, you will see the sprout of it, then leaves start growing, the flowers, the fruit. Finally, you can taste how good and delicious are your fruits. It is time. It is step by step. Louse Hay “You Can Heal Your Life”
The greatest tool to help ourselves heal our fear is to address it by attending support groups, therapy, self growth materials, facing it, affirmations, etc., all which will lead us to empowerment. To make a fear disappear we need to confront it by making a decision and to put action into it. There are days in our life when we get tired of all of the pressure, sometimes getting into the feeling of rage. It is precisely when we get the power to relieve the pain that is holding us from who we want to be; to get what we want, and to do what we enjoy! Fear starts to diminish when we develop our own self-reliance. There are exercises that you can do to improve your own confidence. A great technique is by performing affirmations. Here are a few affirmations: I recommend to eliminate a fear. (Affirmations: are repetitions that we say, write, chant, sing, etc., to affirm something we want in our life. It also may be something we already have and want to keep. Affirmations are always phrased in the present tense and each of them should be said with positive energy and feelings).
1. “I am love”. 2.”Do it now”. 3. “I choose love”.
Fear paralyzes us. It keeps increasing until we decide to face it, embrace it and become its friend. Fear is a feeling, give it space. Everybody has fears; there is no one who has not suffered from it. Today, start embracing your fears/feelings and emotions; they are part of the life process. Get friendly with your feelings; get deeper into your emotions. Feelings have to be fulfilled. One way to do it is by loving ourselves. When we start the process life changes, we see the world in amazing colors we haven’t seeing before! Therefore, low self-esteem will improve and we feel more confident to make decisions and our life starts shining. When we improve the way we see ourselves and our planet we attract everything we want as magnets.
“Fear knocked on the door, faith opened it and no one answered”. (Source unknown.)
“Face your fears and doubts and new worlds will open to you” Robert Kiyosaki